They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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