She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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