I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
