i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
