I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
