I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Randomize
