we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
