What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
