You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
