Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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