I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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