The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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