I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i am craving dick and cupcakes
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize