I am in a vortex of obligation.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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