Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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