I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
