you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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