My Higher Power is John Stamos
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
