I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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