is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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