Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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