Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
