Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
