he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
