Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
