When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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