just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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