We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
home. puking in laundry basket.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
