it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
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Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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