What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
