This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
