I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
