I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
