Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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