I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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