Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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