Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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