i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
