I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
