I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
