Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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