it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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