"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
