What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
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I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
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The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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