so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
