Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
