South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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