I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
