I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
