how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
