I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
