He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
