scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
