You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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