I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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