had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
