He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It's blow job season.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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