Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
