you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
