I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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