I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He felt like a one man threesome
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
