from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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