Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
