I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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