wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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