If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
